


Save Me (I Can’t Face This Life Alone)

by Dee_in_between



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alcohol, Billy Hargrove Lives, Boys Kissing, Crying, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Feels, Guilt, Injury Recovery, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Season/Series 03, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prom, Recreational Drug Use, Scars, tiny cactus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22704145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dee_in_between/pseuds/Dee_in_between
Summary: Prompt fill for BuildYourWalls. Part of Harringrove for Australia.Steve had never expected an apology from Billy Hargrove of all people. He expected to end up getting along with the guy even less. Billy was okay when he wanted to be, when he wasn't fixated on usurping a throne Steve no longer wanted anyway. They had things in common. Billy was good at conversation and while he still busted Steve's balls, it didn't have the same bite to it as before.Surprisingly enough, it had seemed for a moment that Steve Harrington and Billy Hargrove might actually be… friends. But then it happened.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 3
Kudos: 134
Collections: harringrove for Australia





	Save Me (I Can’t Face This Life Alone)

#

Steve had never expected an apology from Billy Hargrove of all people. He expected to end up getting along with the guy even less. Billy was okay when he wanted to be, when he wasn't fixated on usurping a throne Steve no longer wanted anyway. They had things in common. Billy was good at conversation and while he still busted Steve's balls, it didn't have the same bite to it as before. 

Surprisingly enough, it had seemed for a moment that Steve Harrington and Billy Hargrove might actually be… friends. But then it happened.

Prom.

Steve and Billy had both decided to go stag. Steve didn’t have anyone he liked enough to ask. Billy said there were too many options to limit himself to one bitch for the whole night. And if neither of them had a date, they may as well pregame at Steve’s before heading over to the school gym. Steve had readily agreed and Billy showed up in his powder blue tux with a little something tucked in the inner pocket. 

“To get me through Cyndi Lauper,” he told Steve, rolling his eyes.

Looking back, Steve wasn’t sure how he missed it. They rolled up together in Billy’s Camaro. Every dance request Billy got was shut down in favor of sitting at the table people-watching with Steve. Then Billy had flashed the bag tucked in the inner pocket of his jacket and nodded to the back door. Steve had followed without a thought. They were friends. They were just going out back for a smoke like he and Tommy used to do all the time. 

They passed the joint back and forth, talking about the night, the people, the music. He hadn’t noticed Billy shifting closer, hadn’t picked up on the look in his eyes. One second Steve was laughing about Tammy Thompson’s choice of cowgirl boots and the next, Billy’s mouth was on his. 

He remembered how warm and soft Billy’s lips were. There was a spark of heat low in his gut and his mind went blank before everything seemed to explode. Billy was kissing him. Billy was kissing him! And he was enjoying it. It was a lot to process and before he could orient himself, Billy was pulling away. The look in his eyes was pure panic. The easy, relaxed confidence was replaced with wide eyes and rigid posture. He looked ready to bolt. 

"Billy…," Steve tried. "Hey-" 

A hard shove to the chest put Steve's back against the wall, the brick biting into his skin through his shirt. He grabbed onto Billy's wrists and winced but Billy took a quick step back. Recoiled from Steve as if he'd been burned.

"Just… Just stay away from me," Billy snapped. He spun on his heel and was gone, heading for the parking lot at a clip and leaving Steve leaning against the wall, dumbfounded. Before long, he heard the roar of the Camaro. There were squealing tires, a flash of headlights and then Billy was gone. Steve was left leaning against the brick wall, staring after him and wondering what the actual fuck had just happened. 

He tried to get Billy's attention at school, tried to talk to him and sort this whole thing out but Billy never gave him the chance. He thought of calling before realizing he didn't have Billy's number. He didn't even know where he lived. Billy always came to him. …Maybe they weren't as good of friends as Steve thought. But Billy didn't give Steve the chance to make that right either.

He never got to talk to Billy before summer came. 

Scoops Ahoy was not the job Steve had hoped for. It wasn't hard work but it was draining in its own ways, not the least of which was the toll it took on his self esteem. Most nights, Steve would only have enough left in him to shower, maybe eat something, then crash face first into his mattress. He hasn't been able to even talk to the kids, let alone attempt to make time to visit Billy at the public pool. Even if he did, he didn't think it would help. Not at this point.

He was out of the loop, oblivious to the goings on that had been noticed by the kids. Then he was knee deep in an entirely different loop with Russians and secret codes. It wasn't until this Venn diagram of disaster met in the middle that Steve realized just what had happened to Billy.

How he was still alive, no one could say. Steve believed it was sheer stubbornness. If anyone could live out of spite, it was Billy Hargrove. Knowing what he did now about Billy’s daily life, he could safely say he would have given up long ago. Billy was strong. Stronger than he thought even Billy realized. But this? Being a part of the darkness that lurked beneath Hawkins was too much for any one person to carry alone. He would know. 

Steve needed to be there for Billy. He needed to make up for not being there sooner and to see him awake and breathing. Because all he could see when he laid his head down at night was vacant, blue eyes, black blood soaking white cotton, soaking his hands. So much blood. Another nightmare added to the silver screen of his mind.

Steve knew you were supposed to bring something when you visit someone in the hospital. Flowers didn’t seem like Billy’s style. Neither did any of the stuffed animals lining the shelves of the gift shop. He searched through cards but they all seemed so formal. It didn’t feel like he was giving Billy something sincere. He put back a card, his nose wrinkling at the picture of a cat dangling from a tree branch that just said “Hang in There”. None of this seemed like anything Billy would like but he couldn’t show up empty handed. He wouldn’t. 

Steve was giving serious consideration to leaving and coming back when he had something good to offer when he saw it. 

It was tiny, maybe only about the size of a golf ball, sitting in its little terracotta pot. The green, waxy exterior was barely visible through the army of white needles jutting from it. The spines poked out in all directions leaving nowhere to touch it without getting bloodied in return. In contrast to the sharp barrier, at the very top there sat a tiny, pink blossom. Steve knew this was perfect.

Scooping the pot gently into his hands, Steve went up to the counter and happily paid for the angriest little plant he’d ever seen in his life. He was going to see Billy and they were going to talk. About everything. About that night at prom. How sorry Steve was. How much he wished he had been there for Billy when he needed someone, anyone, to recognize that he wasn't in control. That he wasn't himself. 

Steve went to the nurse's station, cradling the tiny cactus in his palms. A kind if tired looking woman glanced up at Steve from a clipboard, her brown hair tied up in a bun and lips painted red.

"Can I help you?"

"Hi. I'm looking for Billy Hargrove's room?"

The nurse nodded, sifting through paperwork before pulling out what must be Billy's chart. She flipped a page, looking at something that made her brow furrow. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't catch your name," the nurse said, voice suddenly cold as she looked Steve over. 

"Oh," Steve said, caught off guard by the rapid shift in tone. "It's Steve? Steve Harrington?"

Her lips pursed and she slid the file back onto the shelf, eyes on Steve's. "I'm sorry. He's not accepting visitors right now."

Steve's chest ached as he realized what was happening. There was a list. And Steve was on it. He wasn't going to get to see Billy. He felt like he'd been punched in the gut and he wanted to break down and cry right there. Instead, he swallowed, took a deep breath.

"I understand," he said softly. He stared down at the cactus, at it's tiny, pink flower. "If it's not too much trouble, could you just give him this?" Steve set the pot onto the counter. "I still want him to have it. And… if you could... tell him I'm sorry." 

When Steve looked up again, the nurse was watching him curiously. She still seemed wary of him but there was less hostility. Instead, she seemed like she just couldn't figure him out. Steve offered her a smile he didn't really feel and nodded once before turning to leave. Billy didn't want to see him and Steve couldn't blame him.

\---------------------

“You have to fix this.”

Steve looked down at Max, eyebrow raised in confusion. He’d opened the door, expecting to find Dustin standing there, trying to get Steve to leave his house again. He didn’t have nearly as many hours at the video store as he did at Scoops so Steve found himself with a lot more downtime these days. To say he hadn’t been using it wisely was an understatement.

“Nice to see you too, Max,” he grumbled, stepping aside for her to come in. She stepped inside and her nose wrinkled instantly at the sight of the place. There were empty pizza boxes and takeout containers scattered everywhere. Steve was still in his pajamas, third day in a row and he hadn’t thought to change them. Not like he was expecting company. 

“Boys,” she sighed before turning to Steve. “You have to talk to Billy.”

Steve snorted, walking past Max and into the kitchen. “Wow. Great idea. If only I’d thought of it sooner. Problem solved.” 

“Don’t be stupid, Steve,” Max huffed, stuffing her hands into her jacket pockets. It was something so distinctly Billy it made Steve ache. “You know you want to see him. And he wants to see you.”

“Right.” Steve pulled open the fridge, digging inside for an excuse not to look at her. “That’s why he put me on the ‘keep out’ list at the hospital. I tried, Max. I’ve been trying since school but he wants nothing to do with me.”

“He does so!” Max shouted. “He’s just being dumb! And so are you!”

“Max-”

“No! Don’t give me that ‘you don’t understand’ crap. He’s miserable, Steve.” Max gestured around the messy house. “You’re miserable. And there’s no reason for any of it.”

Steve paused, straightening and looking over his shoulder at her. Max looked near tears, her hands balled into fists at her sides. She was angry and worried and...scared. She was scared. Steve took a deep breath and sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. 

“All I can do is try, Max,” he told her softly. “I can’t promise anything but I can give it one more try.”

Max broke. Her face crumpled and she threw herself at Steve, arms wrapped around his middle. She buried her face in Steve’s chest and sniffled. He hugged her back, wrapping her up tight against him and resting his chin on her head.

\---------------------------------------

The house wasn’t a big one. The little one-level, ranch-style place was tucked back near the lake not far from Hop’s old trailer. If it weren’t for the Camaro on blocks out front, Steve would have wondered if he had the right place. Steve felt like he couldn’t breathe. Billy was in there. This was the closest Steve had been to him since that night outside the gym. It made his heart hurt and longing filled his chest. Steve gripped the handle of the sixpack in his hand. This was stupid. He was just going to get his heart broken once and for all. But he promised Max he would try. 

Taking a deep breath, Steve knocked on the door and waited. He could hear movement inside, heavy steps coming toward the door. The knob turned and Steve felt a sudden panic grip him. The door flew open and Billy stood there, hand on his hip. 

“I told you, old man. I’m not going so you can just…” Billy froze. His blue eyes went wide and he stared at Steve in horror.

Steve glanced over Billy. The scars. God, the scars. There were huge starbursts all over Billy’s torso from where the mind flayer had hooked into him. Smaller spots littered his arms, one sitting just below his eye. The worst was right in the center of his chest. It was an angry, red, gnarled looking thing. Suddenly all Steve could see was blood. It was dark. There was a monstrous scream ripping through the air. White cotton soaked in black. Empty eyes. Heart pounding. Dead. Right in front of him. Gone. 

“Harrington!”

Steve dropped the sixpack, snapping back to the present only to realize his whole body was trembling. His face was wet and he met Billy’s eyes. They were bright and sharp, concerned. They were alive.

“You’re here.” Steve choked on a sob. He couldn’t stop himself from moving in closer. He looped his arms carefully around Billy’s waist and buried his face in his shoulder. “I,” he gasped, “I thought- you-” Any coherent words dissolved into desperate bawling. 

Billy’s arms curled around his shoulders, hesitant and uncertain but there nonetheless. Steve wasn’t sure how long it took but he eventually ran out of steam. He cried himself out and Billy just held him. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t push Steve away. He sniffed against Billy, not willing to let go yet.

“I thought…” he hiccuped. “I never got to tell you. I thought you were gone and you’d never have known.”

“Known what?” Billy finally asked. Steve pulled back just enough to look at Billy. He wiped at his eyes and nose furiously. 

“You ran away,” Steve said. “At prom. You kissed me and I didn’t expect it.”

Billy’s face was hard, closed off the way it had been every time Steve tried to talk to him since. He opened his mouth to say something but Steve cut him off, shaking his head.

“You didn’t give me a chance to realize what was going on.”

Billy snorted. “It isn’t that hard to figure out. You didn’t kiss me back. That’s all I needed to know.”

“We were fucking high, Billy,” Steve snapped. “It took me some time to process, okay? And if you let me get more than two words out-”

“I get it, Steve! You’re not interest-”

Steve cut Billy off, kissing him hard. He poured everything he had into it. All the hurt and fear and longing. He gave Billy everything there was to give and then some. Breathless, he pulled away, pressing his forehead against Billy’s.

“I’m not what now,” he challenged, catching his breath.

Billy tangled a hand in Steve’s hair. “I need to know you mean it,” he growled. “I need to know it’s not just because of…”

Steve shook his head. “I’ve been trying to tell you for almost a year now, idiot. You just wouldn’t let me.”

Billy held Steve tighter, making his heart flutter in his chest. They just stood there for a moment, wrapped up in each other, making up for lost time. Steve soaked in Billy’s warmth and presence. He was here. He was broken and scarred, but he was here. That’s all Steve needed. 

It was Billy who finally broke the silence, smiling softly. “Any particular reason you bought me a fucking cactus?”


End file.
